December Daily- Be Still:

Whew! The first week of December just flew by! We had a whirlwind of activity. On December 3rd, we drove up to Kennedy Space Center, to view the launch of NASA's latest endevor: Orion. If you haven't heard, America has kicked it up in the space exploration department, and is testing Orion to go back to the moon, and beyond. It was so exciting- and so disappointing. The launch failed, as we sat in the bleachers waiting. And waiting. And waiting. We got to KSC at 2:45 AM. Yes, thats right. I said AM. We were on the bleachers by 3:00 AM. And the launch was scheduled for 7:05. So we sat. It was a bit windy and chilly, but all was a go. Until there was a boat in the "danger zone". So they delayed. And then the countdown began again. But then the winds were too high, from the wrong direction. And then, a valve failure. And then, the window of opportunity was gone before we knew it. So at 9:45 AM, we walked back in the Saturn 5 building (along with 16,000 other people) to await a bus to take us back to the Visitors Center and parking area. Then we drove the 3 hours back home. Only to rinse-repeat the very next morning. We got home at 4:00 PM, and got up again at 1:00 to leave to go back. To sit on the bleachers until 7:05. Then the launch actually happened without a hitch. Actually, it was a little anti-climatic. It was not as spectacular as the other launch we saw earlier this year. But it was amazing to be there for this historic day. I am so glad we went.

So, you may ask, "Why did you go?" 

Good question.

Faith celebrated her 14th birthday on Friday, December 5th. And it was the only thing she really wanted for her birthday. And you see, she wants to be an astronaut and someday go to the ISS. And Josiah wants to design and build rockets to take us there. So I have to go. I want to go. I am so blessed to be able to go.

And I lost so much of my life a few years back when the sorrow overtook me, that it is my joy to be able to go. 

And as you can imagine, because I lost so much, my children lost so much more. Not only did they lose their happy mom, they lost their sister. And then, just as I was recovering, they lost another sister. In fact, within 6 years, my kids lost their grandmother (only grandparent on my side), their grandfather (only grandparent on their dad's side), and both their sisters to their lifestyles that caused them to move away. One to the other side of the country, and the other to another country where she has no international phone service. But more than that, they lost them emotionally. And they also lost their parents who were struggling to keep from being overcome by grief.

So I guess I feel like I have to do everything I can to make it up to them. I know they will be OK. But I also know that there are pieces missing that I cannot give them back. There is a tear in the fabric of their lives that only God can mend. But I know he will. He has for me, and He will for them, too. 

I am a different person than I was a few years ago. I am learning to take joy in the simple. In the stillness. In the quiet. I am only sorry it has taken me so long to get here. But God had a lot of work to do in me before I could get here. But it all started with Hope. Then it went to Gratefulness. Then to Joy. And now, God it taking it deeper. And that requires stillness.

The theme of my life lately has been: Be Still and KNOW that I Am. God. Immanuel. God with us. He is trying to teach me that my life can be so much more when I KNOW that He is with me. I know He will never leave me or forsake me. But do I remember, especially during the crazy days that He is with me? When I am frustrated and want to blurt out mean things that He is there? When I am sad, or lonely or hurt, that literally, He is there, in person, with me? I do talk to Him throughout the day. But often He seems far off. I almost imagine that He is in the heavenlies, and I have to talk to Him as such, instead of Him being with me. And if He is with me, often all I need do is Be Still. Rest. Relax. Because He has the situation well in hand. So I am learning. But it is so hard. 

So let me ask you? What difference would it make if you knew that He is with you? I mean, really, really rested in the reality of His presence with you all the time? What would change for you? I know for me, it is making a difference. I pray I can learn to live in His Presence more and more. After all, I don't want it to feel weird when I finally do see Him face-to-face. I want to Know Him now so I recognize His Hand. So He is the first person I turn to. And so that, when I do see Him, even in other people, I recognize Him. Do you?